That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
