Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
