At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
