the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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