I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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