i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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