Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
