So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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