K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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