Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My penis needs a shock collar
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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