Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
