Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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