he wants to bone in the snuggie
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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