It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize