Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
