dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
