Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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