my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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