Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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