her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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