Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
