i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
