I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
