do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
