his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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