Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
