I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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