TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
