Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
