i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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