i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
