Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
