Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
