Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
