bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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