after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
