So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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