battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
