you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
