he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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