Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
