Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He better not be in your backpack
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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