half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize