Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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