I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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