Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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