Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
