I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
