literally had 100 drinks last night.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
