is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
