matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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