hotel room ftw
More tranny stories later!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
