dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
