I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
