found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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