Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
