i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
