i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
