just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize