Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
