just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
