She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
