a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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