worst night to have a conscience
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
