Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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