I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize