Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize