Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
