We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
