when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
