how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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