i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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