I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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