dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
