Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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