if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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