you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
