He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
