she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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