My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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