i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
