Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
