Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
