Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
