Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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