Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
