he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Even my vagina gasped.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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