1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Randomize
